findingfreedomafterabuse

Consent: A person’s voluntary and informed agreement to engage in a specific activity, particularly sexual activity. It must be freely given, without coercion, and with the capacity to understand the implications of the agreement. Consent is not simply the absence of resistance, nor can it be assumed or inferred from circumstances. Sexual consent means that BOTH individuals involved in sexual activity willingly and knowingly agree to participate. It requires affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement, and it can be withdrawn at any time. Consent cannot be assumed based on silence, past behavior, or a previous or current relationship status.

Examples of Consent:

• Verbal consent: such as “yes,” “I want to do this,” “I’d like to…,” “would you please,” “let’s do that,” “that feels good,” etc…
• Nonverbal consent: such as nodding your head, active participation, pulling a partner closer, or initiating sexual contact (provided it is in response to a partner’s action), removing one’s own clothing or assisting a partner in removing theirs

Examples of NO Consent/Lack of Consent:

• “NO”
• “STOP”
• “PLEASE DON’T”
• Trying to physically stop them with your hands but they push your hands away and proceed anyway
• Trying to escape but they hold you down with their body weight
• Freezing, dissociating, staring at the ceiling, and crying while they harm you
• Not participating whatsoever at any point in time

Sexual Assault: Sexual Assault happens when someone either touches another person in a sexual manner without their consent or makes another person touch them in a sexual manner without their consent. It includes unwanted kissing and the touching of someone’s genitals, breasts, or buttocks.

Rape: Rape is a type of sexual assault involving sexual intercourse, or other forms of sexual penetration, carried out against a person without their consent. Sex requires the consent of both people involved. If only one person consents and the other verbally AND physically makes it clear they are not giving consent, and never gave consent at any point in time, but you proceed anyway because you do not believe you need their consent for whatever reason, that is RAPE, not sex. Rape is illegal and it unfortunately happens in relationships and marriages every day. Your relationship to a person does not override your need for consent. A relationship does not guarantee you consent. Being someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend/even spouse does not give you unlimited access or control over the other person’s body. One thing we are granted in this life from God, is the control over our own body. We are allowed to give consent and not give consent to the things we choose. When someone violates that, they have not only committed a felony crime against you, but they have stolen something that wasn’t theirs to take, as well as stealing your safety and peace you had in your own body. You can do work to heal and forgive, but you will never get that sense of safety and security back completely. Once it’s violently stolen, it’s gone forever. Feeling unsafe in your body is something you can’t explain to people. You’ve either experienced it or you haven’t.

General Statistics:

• Every 68 seconds in America, a person is sexually assaulted/raped
• And every 9 minutes, that victim is a child
• An estimated 423,000 people ages 12+ experience sexual violence each year in the United States
• Since 1998, an estimated 17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape
• Since 1998, an estimated 2.78 million American men have been the victims of attempted or completed rape
• Only 25 out of every 1,000 (2.5%) perpetrators of rape/sexual assault will end up sentenced to prison
• Women and girls experience sexual violence at the highest rate out of any other group
• 1 in 6 American women have been the victim of rape (attempted or completed) in their lifetime
• 1 in 33 American men have been the victim of rape (attempted or completed) in their lifetime
• 90% of ALL sexual assault/rape victims are female
• 8 out of 10 rapes (80%) are committed by someone known to the victim:
• 39% committed by an acquaintance
• 33% committed by a current/former boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner
• 19.5% committed by a stranger
• 2.5% by a non-spouse relative
• The vast majority of perpetrators will not go to jail or prison, answer for their crimes, or face consequences of them in any way, shape, or form
• Out of every 1,000 sexual assaults, 975 will walk FREE (that’s 97.5% of violent sexual offenders who get away with their crimes and are walking among us every day. It could be and IS literally anyone. People you work with, your neighbors, people you go to school with, people that attend your church, and even leaders of your church. This is an issue across all religions, Christian denominations, and churches.)
• Out of every 1,000 sexual assaults/rapes:
• 310 are reported to police
• 50 of those reports will lead to an arrest
• 28 will lead to a felony conviction
• 25 perpetrators will be incarcerated
• WHERE does sexual assault/rape happen?
• 68.5% at or near the victim’s home or their relative’s home
• 23% in an open public space
• 8.5% on school property or “other” location
• WHEN does sexual assault/rape happen?
• 48% were at home when the violence occurred
• 29% were traveling to or from work or school
• 24% were at school, work, or another activity when the violence occurred
• WHY do victims not report?
• The majority of sexual assaults/rapes are not reported to police
• Of the sexual violent crimes not reported to police (from 2005-2012), the victims gave the following reasons for not reporting:
• 20% feared retaliation from their abuser
• 13% believed the police wouldn’t do anything to help them
• 13% believed it was a “personal” matter” to be dealt with privately between the individuals involved
• 8% reported it to a different official/authority figure/person in charge (such as a child reporting it to their parents, caregivers, teacher, preacher, youth leader, coach, trusted adult, etc, believing they would handle it appropriately)
• 8% believed it was not important enough to report
• 7% didn’t want to get the perpetrator in trouble (because for child victims, it’s often a friend, family member, or someone “close” to the victim and family)
• 2% believed the police couldn’t do anything to help
• 30% gave another reason

Lifelong Impact of Sexual Assault & Rape:

• 70% of rape and/or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime
• 94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of PTSD during the two weeks following the rape
• 30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape
• 33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide
• 13% of women who are raped attempt suicide
• After sexual assault/rape, survivors are more likely to use drugs:
• 3.4 TIMES more likely to use THC
• 6 TIMES more likely to use cocaine
• 10 TIMES more likely to use other major drugs
• 38% of survivors experience work or school problems, which can include significant problems with a boss, coworker, or peer
• 37% of survivors experience problems with family members and friends, including getting into arguments more frequently than before, not feeling able to trust their loved ones, or not feeling as close to them as before the crime
• A survivor’s relationship to the perpetrator correlates with their likelihood of experiencing professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress or increased problems at work or school:
• 67% of survivors experience moderate to severe distress when victimized by a stranger
• 79% of survivors experience moderate to severe distress when victimized by a family member, close friend, or acquaintance
• 84% of survivors experience moderate to severe distress when victimized by an intimate partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse

Child/Teen Statistics:

• Every 9 minutes in America, a child is sexually assaulted or raped
• An estimated 63,000 children a year are victims of sexual abuse in America
• 1 in 9 girls (under the age of 18) will experience sexual assault and/or rape in their childhood
• 1 in 20 boys (under the age of 18) will experience sexual assault and/or rape in their childhood
• Teens face the highest risk of sexual abuse
• Teen girls being the highest percentage of all sexual assaults and rapes
• 82% of juvenile victims (under the age of 18) are female
• Female ages 16-19 are 4 TIMES more likely than the general population to be victims of rape and/or sexual assault
• Female ages 18-24 (college students) are at 3 TIMES more likely than the general population to be victims of rape and/or sexual assault
• A majority of child victims (2 out of 3) are ages 12-17 years old
• Of victims under the age of 18:
• 34% are under the age of 12 years old
• 66% are ages 12-17 years old
• Among cases of child sexual abuse reported to law enforcement, 93% of victims know their perpetrator
• 59% are acquaintances/friends
• 34% are family members
• 7% are strangers/unknown to the victim
• Perpetrators of Child Sexual Abuse:
• 88% of perpetrators are male
• 9% of perpetrators are female
• 3% unknown

Lifelong Impact of Childhood Sexual Assault & Rape:

• The effects of child sexual abuse can be long lasting and affect the victim’s mental health. Victims are more likely than non-victims to experience the following mental health challenges:
• 4 TIMES more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse
• 4 TIMES more likely to experience PTSD as adults
• 3 TIMES more likely to experience a major depressive episode as adults
• 4 TIMES more likely to contemplate suicide
• 13 TIMES more likely to attempt suicide
• PTSD: Many survivors develop symptoms related to the trauma they experienced. This can include flashbacks or intrusive memories, nightmares, hyper-vigilance (always feeling on guard), strong emotional reactions to reminders of the trauma, and avoiding certain people, places, or topics. If the abuse occurs over a long period of time, they may experience complex PTSD (C-PTSD) which may include difficulty regulating emotions, chronic shame, and feeling unsafe even in a safe environment where the threat is no longer present. It is common to be stuck in the “fight, flight, or freeze” response even after the danger is long gone.
• Anxiety Disorders: Abuse (particularly abuse in childhood) rewires the nervous system to stay in “danger mode.” This can lead to generalized anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, constant worry or dread, and feeling easily overwhelmed. Trauma causes the brain and body to learn at an early age that the world isn’t safe, so it stays on high alert permanently. This is not merely “in one’s head” as people used to believe. The effects of this have been studied for decades and it shows up clinically. Stress hormones (such as cortisol and adrenaline), are responsible for increasing your heart rate, blood pressure, and rate of breathing. In the presence of danger, they are responsible for your “fight or flight or freeze” response. But prolonged elevation can have damaging effects, such as memory and attention problems, irritability, and sleep disorders. These hormones will sometimes be elevated in blood tests, years, sometimes even decades after the trauma. Prolonged elevation of these hormones can have damaging effects on the body. The effects of trauma also show up on brain imaging, such as MRIs, fMRIs, and PET scans. The amygdala (threat detection center of the brain) goes into overdrive, causing heightened fear response, hyper-vigilance, and strong emotional reactions to triggers. You will see increased activity in this area of the brain on fMRI. The hippocampus (part of the brain responsible for memory and context) will be smaller in volume in people with chronic trauma or PTSD. This causes difficulty in distinguishing past versus present danger, memory fragmentation, and trouble forming new memories. This will show reduced volume on MRI. The prefrontal cortex (part of the brain responsible for reasoning and emotional regulation) will often have reduced activity or thinning. This means it will be harder to regulate emotions, difficult calming fear responses, and impulse/stress regulation problems. This shows lower activation on fMRI compared to those without trauma. The corpus callosum (part of the brain responsible for the communication between the two hemispheres of the brain) will be thinner or smaller. This causes reduced communication between the right and left brain, and emotional processing challenges. This will show up on a structural MRI, showing reduced thickness.
• Depression: Depression is extremely common among survivors. This may look like: persistent sadness, feelings of worthlessness, loss of motivation and the will to live, emotional numbness, difficulty feeling joy. Sometimes this comes from internalized shame or betrayal trauma, especially if trusted adults failed to protect the child. Victims of childhood sexual abuse are 13 times more likely to attempt suicide than non-victims.
• Shame, Self-Blame, and Identity Struggles: Many survivors grow up believing things like “it was somehow my fault,” “something is wrong with me,” and “I’m damaged.” Even when they intellectually know the abuse wasn’t their fault, the emotional imprint can remain for years, decades, even the remainder of their life. It is also very common for their abuser to tell them it was their fault. As most perpetrators do not take responsibility for their crimes, but rather blame the victim. This can be especially damaging if the child confided in a trusted adult and the trusted adult did nothing to help them, report it, hold their rapist accountable, etc. This can affect: self-esteem, self-worth, and identity formation.
• Difficulty Trusting Others: When abuse is done by someone in a place of authority (family members, church leaders, caregivers, parents, teachers, coaches, etc) it can deeply affect the victim’s ability to trust. Survivors may struggle with: Trusting authority figures, trusting institutions, trusting intimacy, fear or betrayal. This is sometimes called the “betrayal bond” or “betrayal trauma.”
• Relationship and Attachment Challenges: Some survivors experience fear of closeness, difficulty setting boundaries, people-pleasing or over-compliance, attraction to unsafe or controlling partners, or fear of abandonment. This often comes from childhood patterns where love, authority, and harm were mixed together. They learn to associate “love” with “pain,” “abuse,” and “harm.” Experiencing childhood sexual abuse WILL affect romantic relationships in adulthood. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are also more likely to end up in a romantic relationship in adulthood where there is domestic violence/sexual abuse, because they were taught and conditioned at a young age to accept that as normal.
• Emotional Regulation Difficulties: Survivors may experience intense emotions, sudden anger or rage, feeling emotionally numb, difficulty calming the nervous system, or strong triggers. Trauma affects how the brain processes stress and emotion.
• Physical Health and Body Effects: Trauma isn’t only psychological; it can and does affect the body. This is due to prolonged elevated stress hormones and prolonged changes in the brain mentioned earlier. Survivors show higher rates of: chronic pain, gastrointestinal disorders like IBS, autoimmune conditions, sleep problems, headaches or migraines. This is sometimes referred to as the “body holding trauma.” The trauma has to go somewhere. It is unfortunately stored in the body. The only way to heal this is to get to the root cause, which is confronting the trauma head-on. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. It just makes you internalize it.
• Dissociation: Some survivors cope by mentally “checking out” during stress. This can look like: feeling detached from reality, memory gaps, feeling like you’re watching your life from outside your body, and zoning out under stress. This is not a conscience choice one makes, but a protective survival mechanism built into us that happens during abuse. It’s a trauma response. It is common during the abuse to dissociate to the point where you feel like you are outside your body, watching the abuse happen to your body, but it feels like it’s happening to someone else. This is because the abuse is too much to process, too painful to accept, so your brain protects you in this way by having you experience it in almost a third person point of view. This is very common in children who are victims of abuse.
• Spiritual and Moral Injury: For survivors abused within a religious context or by religious authority figures, there can also be: spiritual confusion, anger toward religious institutions, difficulty trusting spiritual leaders, feeling betrayed by communities meant to protect the victim but instead protected the abusers. Many survivors eventually rebuild their faith in a healthier way, but the process can take time. And they may never feel safe in a religious setting again. Especially if scripture is used to justify the abuse and the very people supposed to protect them instead protected their abusers.
• The GOOD NEWS after all that bad! Many survivors also develop extraordinary strengths, such as: deep empathy, strong justice instincts, resilience, protective instincts towards others, and courage to expose wrongdoing. These qualities often grow out of surviving something deeply unjust. Many childhood sexual abuse victims choose to stop the cycle, instead of continuing it. They decide to speak up and protect the women and children, and do for others what wasn’t done for them. THAT is how we make a change! We become adults our younger selves needed.

Demographics on Perpetrators:

• Research reveals that most perpetrators are not scary strangers lurking in the shadows; they are people their victims knew and often trusted
• They may be family members, intimate partners, friends, classmates, coworkers, authority figures, or caregivers
• While anyone can commit sexual violence, the majority are male, and many have histories of previous abusive behavior
• 93% of childhood sexual abuse victims, know their rapist
• 50% of perpetrators are 30 years of age or older
• 25% are ages 21-29
• 9% are ages 18-20
• 15% are 17 years old or younger
• 57% are white
• 27% are black
• 8% unknown
• 6% other
• 1% mixed group

Resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

http://www.rainn.org